I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'm really busy with my period
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