guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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