I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
