apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
