Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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