Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Enjoy the penises
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
