It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
