it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
