Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
