I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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