It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
