Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
