I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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