I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hippo gnu deer
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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