I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
