yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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