Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I bet he comes in French.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
