My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
