So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
dude. I can hear the air.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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