i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
