She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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