My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
