they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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