Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize