I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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