I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
