On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Is it because I queefed?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize