I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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