I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
