Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
