omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
