time to smoke my breakfast
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
