So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
