Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
