I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
