What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
