Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize