home. puking in laundry basket.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
