he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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