You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
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I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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