I'm jealous of your bromance
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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