I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
