I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
