I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Randomize
