i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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