It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
