I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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