Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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