He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
