yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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