New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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