can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he told me I talked like a deaf person
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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