Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
