We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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