i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
