Your dad touched me again.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
