she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
