I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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