ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
