Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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