weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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