We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
