someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
