I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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