Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Girls should come with a carfax report
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
