it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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