Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
