I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
