we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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