You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
