Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
