Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
