The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
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we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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