Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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