I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
