So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
