haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
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Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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