This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
