Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
