I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
