Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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