I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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