they need to just BURY HIM!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
