im drinking this country out of the recession.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
