Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
someone owes me an orgasm
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
