I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
wow bdsm is so cute
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
