i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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