you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
