Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
