Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
