I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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