Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Will exercising make me less horny?
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